Maybe its time you all heard from the other side. The Boyfriend.
When I first met Debbie, one of the first things I noticed about her was her ability to not make her weight part of her personality. She was a “fluffy” lady and she wore it well. She knew people judged you first on looks, but her personality and the way she carried herself made you overlook that. She also let me know right away she was not going to be this size forever. She was working on losing it for her own health.
To be honest, I have never really dated women most would call “normal” in size. Never was attracted to petite women mostly because of their attitude towards life. Yet when I hear a woman say she was “working on losing it”, that usually meant a never ending series of failed or fad diets. All ending the same way. The weight comes back and they take the approach that this is the way it will be. Their weight becomes part of their personality. Deal with it.
I quickly found that wasn’t Debbie. She knew the weight issue was a health issue and a life issue. Man in her life or not, she was not going to let her weight become an obstacle in her moving on with life.
In short, she was doing what she could to lose the weight for her, not for me or for anyone else. That was refreshing to hear.
Where We Really Clicked
The next thing I loved about meeting her was the fact that she is not one to wake up one morning and say “I want this…” No, when she wants something, she goes into hyper research mode and finds out the good and the bad. Does she need it? Will it work? Whats the downside? what’s the upside?
So when she says she wants it, you know she wants it and it will work for her even after the new shine wears off.
I like that in a person.
In the past I have been accused of not supporting my partner in weight management ideas. But why should I be more supportive and committed to your cause than you are?? To Debbie, it was “Here’s what I am going to do, here is why and are you with me?” She was her own cheerleader.
It’s For Her
I can tell you with 100% confidence, she is doing this for her. Not for me. Not because she wants me to like her more or for others to like her more. This is Debbie taking care of Debbie. An attitude I wish more people would adopt.
I can also tell you that doing lap-band was not an easy decision for her. She struggled with doing it because it is a life changing surgery. It really is a lifestyle change you need to live with the rest of your life.
She talked, I listened. I asked, she answered (or she went to find the answer). This went on for days if not weeks. In the end, she knew the answer and pulled the trigger.
Being a man and being a human that had to live with her, I had to ask what this meant for me? Even when she was on the diets before the surgery, I was worried I would soon have to be on some silly diet, or go on a food limited plan to show I love and support her. How can she eat one thing and yet sit there and watch me eat something else??
Trust me when I tell you she really put her foot down and refused to let me “suffer” for/with her.
We can go out to eat and I will order what I want while she will be more picky and order what will work for her. Passing by what she really wants for something she knows she needs to stay healthy. That takes a strong commitment to the plan.
I think this comes back to the fact that she wants this for her. Do it for yourself and you have a better chance of success.
That doesn’t mean I am still on the “all the junk food you can eat” plan. Watching her and walking through all this with her, has made me voluntarily want to change some of my eating habits. Still, to cut out some of my favorite foods and beverages like she has would probably kill me! But she has and she does. That’s more willpower and commitment than I have. And I salute her for it.
Looking back, I think going through this process: watching her on the diets, doing the research on the diets, on the lapband. Seeking help and answers from others and looking at it from all angles made me fall further in love with her. Her commitment and the courage it takes to better herself for herself is an amazing thing. How can you not support and love a lady like that??